


a forgiveness I don't deserve

by TysonlovesElla



Category: Iron Fey Series - Julie Kagawa
Genre: F/M, Fluff, angst with happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 00:51:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TysonlovesElla/pseuds/TysonlovesElla
Summary: Meghan has set up a picnic date with her husband and her son but Ash realizing that hes not exactly a saint has doubts on if he and his wife can stay together for as long as he wants





	a forgiveness I don't deserve

I’m a monster.

That's not being edgy, that's just what I am; a selfish Fey who has killed so many innocent people. Not just Mab’s enemies, but the hearts I’ve broken falling for me. Thinking I can make them happy, thinking I can be the one. Duty cuts them all down, my soulless decisions erasing them from existence to where no one remembers them. I’ve killed enough people to fill the whole nevernever full of innocent beings and that wouldn't even cover a tenth of my body count. Even if you don’t count the ones that Rowen influenced me to do, there is way too much blood on my hands to even think what i deserve to be loved.

And yet…. That's what I’ve received: love. Love and affection.

While my dreams haunt me, my wife and son are planning a picnic. Meghan was very very persistent that she was going to get this date. No one bothers arguing with her, she's very stubborn. If she wasn’t she wouldn't of stuck by me all through the years, it was a hard road for her to get here but she got here, and she does a damn good job of running her kingdom.

I walk into the throne room to see Glitch and Meghan talking. Wonder if it’ll turn into another yelling match.

“And that’ll be all the duties for today.” Meghan stats.

“What shall I tell the winter knights when they get here?”

Meghan placed her finger on her chin and thought, “I guess ‘piss on yourself’ isn’t good enough? Hmmm, tell them that the queen is on a royal affair. That's all.”

“Mab will be very-”

“That’ll be all Glitch.” Meghan stated.

Glitch then bowed and left, that's when Meghan saw me.

She then ran up to me, cupped my face and pulled me into a kiss. I kissed back out of instinct, I’ll never understand her, from the moment I met her she's was very keen towards me. No matter what I did she wouldn't leave me alone, it was quite annoying at first. This little weak human girl following me around, expecting me to act soft with her in front of fey who would love to see her head on a spike. Even when I treated her as harsh as i could she never left me alone. She literally betrayed her own father and best friend to be with me. 

And they aren’t enough riches in this world to make me give her up.

She pulled away a little and smiled at me, “I missed you.”

“I can tell.”I chuckled, “When are we heading out?”

Meghan grinned at me, ‘As soon as the little one is ready.’

“Ugh, its 9 in the morning mom.” Groaned an a little voice and from behind the throne came my pride and joy, Kerrian, he might be a cocky little turd but he still loves me and his mother. Also he’s a nice distraction every now and then. Although he does seem to make a lot of the older fey want to ‘throw hands’ as he would call it.

“I see you’ve been up Kerrian.” Meghan commented.

“I was waiting to see if you and father were going to be all lovey dovey. Like you always do.”

“Oh, and what about all those presents you give those female friends of yous? You don’t fancy any of them?”

Kerrian’s face went three shades red, “T-Those are just presents!”

Meghan and me both burst into laughter, allowing Kerrian’s embarrassment to soak up. He finally puffed and went on ahead.

“Let me go get dressed. Make sure no one hits him or anything.” Meghan nudged me and i went to find him.

Meghan came out ten minutes later with a green sundress and a sunflower hat on her head, red tennis shoes. She was carrying all the food she had made herself in a little wooden basket. She’s really gone all out on this picnic thing.

‘Mom, you’re so lame.” Kerrian stated.

“I think you like your lame mother. Or maybe we could have you met your grandma, on my side.”

‘I-I’ll pass. Besides i do like my lame mother.”

Meghan then kissed Kerrian’s forehead which made him blush, he's just as weak as i am when it comes to her.”

Meghan then took her free arm and wrapped it around mine, “ Shall we my love?”

I grinned, “Of course.”

I was quite puzzled why we didn’t take the carriage, and i was even more puzzled how she moved a darn trod and got it to take us to the human world. The moment Kerrian saw it, his eyes lit up and he got excited.

“Whoa! This is…. Look at all this stuff! Grass that isn’t metal! This is so cool!”

Meghan chuckled, “Wait till you see where we’re heading.”

Dragging me and Kerrian along, we walked for a bit. Meghan’s scent filled my nostrils. That sweet smell of pumpkins, I find myself staring at her. How? How did I manage to do it? How did I get such a faithful and loving women to fall for me? It's hard to face the fact I nearly threw her away, that I even thought for a second that Puck should have her instead of me. That sounds selfish, I don’t have the right to care about what i want. It should be all about her, she's the one that saved the nevernever 3 times. She's the one that took out two iron kings to protect millions of people. She's the one that protects the iron kingdom from two courts who would love to murder everyone in our kingdom. And she does it with a smile and a little spring in her step. I’ve never seen a person so tough, so honest. Its what pulled me to her in the first place. Not even Ariella could compete with how tough she is. I love her more than I love the air i breathe, and that's why I want her to be mine. I want to love her forever, for all time. I want her to be with me till the end of days. But… its so selfish! All the crimes I’ve committed, I should be grateful she even bothers with me. I should be satisfied with that, but i'm not. I want it all, I want all of her. The idea of being with her for all time, makes my soul sing to the high heavens. I don’t know if i deserve that.

“Enjoying my beautiful face?” Meghan asked as she caught me staring at her.

My heart skipped a beat as I realize she notices, “Y-Yea.”

“Father you’re awfully quiet, are you okay?” Kerrian asked.

“Of course i am.” I stated, “Can’t a man be a little timid?”

“Leave your father alone Kerrian.” Meghan scolded.

“Yes mam.” 

We walked a bit more, we finally got to a little hill. The sun was shining on the land, Kerrian instantly got excited. He’s never had such a huge spot of land to play on.

“Not so fast.” Meghan stated as Kerrian tried to run off, “Your mother needs help unpacking all the food. Then you can go play.”

I decided to let them have alone time, Meghan is always talking about how she wants to spend more time with him. Meghan loves with all of her heart, Kerrian looks at her the same way i do. She's our whole world. There isn’t a thing we wouldn't do for her. 

Meghan set up, she placed a sheet on the ground and set the food on it. She packed a lot of food. Sandwiches with spiced meats, fresh fruits and tasty juices. Kerrian loves Orange juice, so of course meghan brought a lot of that. I’m more of a grape juice man myself, Meghan brought that too.

“Kerrian, You can go play. I need a word with your father.”

Kerrian kissed Meghan’s cheek and ran off. When he was out of ear shot meghan grasped my chin and tilted my face to look her in the eyes.

“Whats wrong?”

“ I said-”

“And I know you’re full of shit. I know my husband, I know when he’s hurting, when he needs his queen. Your glamour hasn’t been this low since we got married. So, My husband I’ll ask again: What's wrong?”

There was no hiding from her, she read me like a book; I don’t want to hide from her. I want to be open but I seem so selfish when I think about wanting to be with her forever.

“I feel selfish.”

“How so?”

“I’ve been thinking bout what happens next. We’re married but there is still our eternal life together, I love you Meghan, I love you more than I ever loved myself. I’m a murder, I’ve killed enough people to fill a city. I can't ever bring them back, they’ll haunt me for the rest of my days. But this…. What i have with you, I don’t want to lose that. I want to be with you forever and ever. I want to be together till the nevernever ends and we die in a flash of light takes us and even then I want my spirit to wander with yours forever. You’ll always be the one I love Meghan. I feel like I have no right to want this. But… it's what I want.”

When i finished my long and sappy rant Meghan sighed, “Men.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” I asked in a tone that gave away i was offended.

Meghan then wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me, her lipstick and all. The softness of her mouth, she's perfect. I love her, gods I love her so much.

“Its not selfish to want happiness Ash. Besides, I want the same thing. There isn’t a man alive that can even come close to you, you’re the best thing that's ever happened to me. You and our little boy are the most important things in my life. I would do anything to protect you Ash, I love you Ash. I think it's time you forgive yourself for what you’ve done. You make me the happiest woman in the world. I have no regrets, not a damn one. I swear to you that your desire will happen. We’ll be together forever.”

I felt joy rise in my soul to the point where the only way i could show her was to kiss her, i cupped her face and kissed her soft lips. She’s my queen, my wife. There is not a thing that can separate us.

“Mother!” Kerrian called out thankfully after our little moment, “Are you and father done? I’m hungry. Mother!”

“Get over here! You’re father feels better! I have the best sandwiches ready for the most perfect little warrior.”

Kerrian rushed over and sat down on the sheet, ready for his food. I was very hungry myself.

“Is father feeling better?”

Meghan giggled, “Yes he is.”

There was a small blush on his face, “D-Don’t take it the wrong way, i wasn’t worried or anything, if anything would happen to the ice knight the whole kingdom would be sad. That would damper things.”

I wrapped my arms around the little turd and kissed his cheek, “Well the ‘ice knight’ is fine, You should worry on your own training. I hear from Glitch you’re much more interested in girls then your blade.”

“T-Thats not true! I’ll show you one day! One day I’m going to be the best!”

I ruffled up his hair and smiled at him, “I’m sure you will. I love you Kerrian.”

“I… love you too father. Now can we eat please?’

Meghan allowed us to eat, we had a blast. My sadness left me for the rest of the day. I might not deserve forgiveness, but that doesn't matter it's what i got, and I’m not going to throw it away. These two, this foolish human girl and this little iron fey welp. They are my life. And i will never lose them.


End file.
